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The Relationship between Trust and Forgiveness

Posted on August 17th, 2012

In discussing trust at Taizé, we found it very difficult not to digress and begin discussing forgiveness.  A lot of the conversation centred around people trusting someone until that trust was betrayed, and then they would not trust them any more.  One member of my discussion group was very emphatic about her belief that trust must be earned and when it is broken, it is our right to withhold trust in the future.  We inevitably ended up talking about forgiveness as this seemed key to allowing trust to be created again.

There’s a section of the well known poem Desiderata which has fascinated me for a long time.  I’ve put the whole poem below for those of you unfamiliar with it, but the line which particularly intrigues me is ‘as far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all people’.  Take a moment to read the poem.

This idea of surrender is a really interesting one.  I was once hurt by someone so deeply that I thought I would be angry forever.  It took me several years to come to terms with my feelings and reaction, and I realised that I really hated this person.  This didn’t sit particularly well with me – I don’t like the idea that I hate someone and it made me unhappy to know that despite my beliefs I was unable to work on this particular issue.

One of the reasons I found it so difficult to forgive this person was because I felt that if I forgave them it would condone their actions, it would mean that my pain was unjustified; but having realised that this was a problem I suddenly let it go.  The person in question had very much moved on, so who was my hate hurting?  Me, and God.

So I came back to this line again: ‘as far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all people’.  I think there’s a really key point here, which came back to me during the discussion with my group in Taizé about forgiveness.  One of the girls was adamant that forgiveness had to be earned and it could be withheld at each person’s discretion.  When I quoted Matthew 21-22 (Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.”) she reacted very strongly and said that this wasn’t practical.  In many ways I agree with her, but perhaps our understanding of forgiveness needs to be expanded.

A question I find very important is about prisoners.  If someone has been to prison to pay for a crime, shouldn’t we treat them the way we treat those who have never been to prison when they are released?  Surely the point of prison is to repay society for the crime they have committed.  If I go overdrawn on my bank account and am charged interest, that interest doesn’t carry on being charged once I’m back in credit!  But human beings are so much more complicated.  We find it so hard to forgive and so hard to trust, and the more I think about it, these two so often go hand in hand with each other.

To be a Christian is a hard job.  We’re asked to love everyone (Matthew 22:36-40) and forgive everyone (Luke 6:37).  We’re asked to let go of worldly possessions (Matthew 6:19-20) although the world around us is obsessed with ownership.  We’re asked to trust God even though we can’t see God (Proverbs 3:5).  My students often tell me that they think it’s impossible to love unconditionally, as Jesus taught.  A part of me believes that they’re right, but that doesn’t mean that I give up trying.  I watched some of the rowing during the Olympics and felt so impressed by the athletes who were clearly going to finish last but who carried on going anyway.  Surely God sees us the same way – we may not manage to live up to the ideals set out in the teachings of Jesus, but we try our best and God is there rooting for us just as I was rooting for the rowers at the end of the race!

I know how hard it is to forgive, and I’m certainly not judging anyone for saying that they don’t want to forgive someone who’s hurt them.  Everyone is different, and forgiveness can seem impossible.  But without forgiveness, can there ever be trust?  And without trust, can there ever be peace?

Bóg jest miłością, miejcie odwagę, żyć dla miłości; Bóg jest miłością, nie lękajcie się – God is forgiveness, dare to forgive and God will be with you; God is forgiveness, love and do not fear.

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Trust – Theme at Taizé 2012

Posted on August 16th, 2012

Brother Alois, the prior of Taizé, wrote his letter for 2012 under the title, ‘Towards a New Solidarity’ (http://www.taize.fr/IMG/pdf/120enletter.pdf) and the theme for the Bible study and discussion groups was trust.  While the 17-24 year old groups spent a lot of the week playing trust games, the 25-35 year old groups cracked on with some fairly hefty conversations!

When I arrived in Taizé on the Sunday it was after a long journey.  I’d been travelling for 19 hours and hadn’t slept, so I wasn’t in the best frame of mind for the inevitable queueing that constitutes the arrival at any place like Taizé!  So, in tiredness I looked around at the big groups of happy, laughing people and felt very out of the loop.  I suppose I felt quite insecure and out of place, as did many people.  In fact, Brother Paolo, the British contact brother, welcomed us on the coach with ‘don’t worry about Sunday, it’s chaotic – tomorrow will feel better!’ and several other people said that they just wanted to get back on the bus and go home the same evening we arrived!  Not ideal.

So when we had our first Bible introduction with Brother Matthew on the Monday morning, I had to laugh at the theme of the week – trust!  I found myself thinking that the beginning of the week had demanded that I trust the community, trust the welcome teams, trust myself (especially with my tent erecting skills!) and trust God that all would be well.  And it was so worth it!!!

My discussion group was a really diverse group of people, made up of one Polish, one Swedish, one Dutch, one other English, three German and one Spanish.  As you can imagine we were all coming from different backgrounds and our discussions reflected this.  I’ll write some reflections on these discussions over the next few blogs, but I thought I would start with an overview before getting started.

For now, have one of the chants we sang every day over the week.  Truly beautiful!  It means: ‘All life long, for the Lord I will sing; while I live, I will praise my God.  My joy is in God.’

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My week in Taizé!

Posted on August 15th, 2012

It’s been a long time since I wrote a blog, sorry everyone!  I’ve been doing so many different things it’s been hard to find the right frame of mind for writing.

I’ve just got back from a week at Taizé, which was amazing.  It’s the first time I’ve been to Taizé since 2004, so it was quite a significant experience.  As those of you who know my music will remember, the chants sung at Taizé are my inspiration and my experience of Taizé when I was 17 was the beginning of my path with God.

On the Friday evening the community has a prayer around the cross.  When the evening prayer is finished, the monks place the icon of the cross on the floor and then move aside.  The congregation queues up and then take their place around the cross, putting their forehand or hands on the icon of Jesus crucified.

During the week this was the first time I felt really moved beyond a general happiness to be there and interest in the discussions we were having.  It was the first time I felt a presence of God, and I spent quite a while writing.  I will write up what I wrote on that evening as an introduction to some Taizé-inspired blogs.

The church is filled with the chant ‘Jesus Remember Me’.  5,000 voices calling out to God.  5,000 people whose hearts are crying out to be welcomed into the arms of the Father.  And Jesus hears every single voice and knows every one of their names.  Human and deity are united by a mutual longing for each other.  ‘Man is never more fully man than when he gives himself totally to God; and God is never more fully God than when he gives himself totally to man.’  We try to meet God in a way we can understand – we place ourselves at the foot of his cross, but God’s work is so much more deep.  As we welcome Him one again into our lives he once more opens our hearts to a love that is beyond description, even beyond comprehension. 

All differences forgotten, all divisions ignored, we come to Him each as fragile and broken as each other.  And as a loving mother and father, God welcomes us.  For this short time, all voices are one, calling out to the love and grace of our Lord.  And God comes to us, no matter what we have done and no matter what we’ve thought.  He welcomes us and welcomes us, healing our bruised hearts with his outpouring of divine, never-ending, unconditional love.

God loves us.  God loves us.  God loves us.

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