The Relationship between Trust and Forgiveness
Posted on August 17th, 2012
In discussing trust at Taizé, we found it very difficult not to digress and begin discussing forgiveness. A lot of the conversation centred around people trusting someone until that trust was betrayed, and then they would not trust them any more. One member of my discussion group was very emphatic about her belief that trust must be earned and when it is broken, it is our right to withhold trust in the future. We inevitably ended up talking about forgiveness as this seemed key to allowing trust to be created again.
There’s a section of the well known poem Desiderata which has fascinated me for a long time. I’ve put the whole poem below for those of you unfamiliar with it, but the line which particularly intrigues me is ‘as far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all people’. Take a moment to read the poem.
This idea of surrender is a really interesting one. I was once hurt by someone so deeply that I thought I would be angry forever. It took me several years to come to terms with my feelings and reaction, and I realised that I really hated this person. This didn’t sit particularly well with me – I don’t like the idea that I hate someone and it made me unhappy to know that despite my beliefs I was unable to work on this particular issue.
One of the reasons I found it so difficult to forgive this person was because I felt that if I forgave them it would condone their actions, it would mean that my pain was unjustified; but having realised that this was a problem I suddenly let it go. The person in question had very much moved on, so who was my hate hurting? Me, and God.
So I came back to this line again: ‘as far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all people’. I think there’s a really key point here, which came back to me during the discussion with my group in Taizé about forgiveness. One of the girls was adamant that forgiveness had to be earned and it could be withheld at each person’s discretion. When I quoted Matthew 21-22 (Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.”) she reacted very strongly and said that this wasn’t practical. In many ways I agree with her, but perhaps our understanding of forgiveness needs to be expanded.
A question I find very important is about prisoners. If someone has been to prison to pay for a crime, shouldn’t we treat them the way we treat those who have never been to prison when they are released? Surely the point of prison is to repay society for the crime they have committed. If I go overdrawn on my bank account and am charged interest, that interest doesn’t carry on being charged once I’m back in credit! But human beings are so much more complicated. We find it so hard to forgive and so hard to trust, and the more I think about it, these two so often go hand in hand with each other.
To be a Christian is a hard job. We’re asked to love everyone (Matthew 22:36-40) and forgive everyone (Luke 6:37). We’re asked to let go of worldly possessions (Matthew 6:19-20) although the world around us is obsessed with ownership. We’re asked to trust God even though we can’t see God (Proverbs 3:5). My students often tell me that they think it’s impossible to love unconditionally, as Jesus taught. A part of me believes that they’re right, but that doesn’t mean that I give up trying. I watched some of the rowing during the Olympics and felt so impressed by the athletes who were clearly going to finish last but who carried on going anyway. Surely God sees us the same way – we may not manage to live up to the ideals set out in the teachings of Jesus, but we try our best and God is there rooting for us just as I was rooting for the rowers at the end of the race!
I know how hard it is to forgive, and I’m certainly not judging anyone for saying that they don’t want to forgive someone who’s hurt them. Everyone is different, and forgiveness can seem impossible. But without forgiveness, can there ever be trust? And without trust, can there ever be peace?
Bóg jest miłością, miejcie odwagę, żyć dla miłości; Bóg jest miłością, nie lękajcie się – God is forgiveness, dare to forgive and God will be with you; God is forgiveness, love and do not fear.
1 CommentLove, love, love!
Posted on June 24th, 2012
Today I went to ‘Love Bath’ – a free festival organised by the churches of Bath for the community. It was a great chance to get to know people and to meet up with some people who I’d spoken to over the internet (mostly Facebook!). Hats off to Emma Gypps, everyone at Springboard Bath and the whole organisation team! I think everyone especially enjoyed the free hot dogs, bottles of water, hot drinks and ice cream!
It was interesting seeing so many Christians together just having fun and enjoying themselves. I was on bouncy castle duty for the afternoon, which was fun…I definitely got more assertive as time when on!
I just thought the name for the festival – Love Bath – was so great. Especially when the reading from the Old Testament this morning was altered so that instead of Zion or Jerusalem we had Bath and Aque Sulis! It was really powerful and got everyone involved.
After the festival today I came home and saw the latest video by Jefferson Bethke, whose video ‘Why I hate religion but love Jesus’ I’ve blogged about before. I didn’t watch all of it because it didn’t really grab me at the time, but there was a theme that came through for me from both what I saw of the video and also from the festival today. That theme is, of course, love.
How can we put love into practice? I was thinking about how much I’d like to move into Bath city and had a look at house prices. Sob! But why can’t I be satisfied where I am? I could give you lots of reasons but really…I have a roof over my head. What more do I need? Jesus says we don’t even need two shirts – share what you have with others. And yet most of the Christians I meet (and I include myself in this) have comfortable lives with plenty of material possessions. It doesn’t mean they’re all obsessed by their possessions (how could I ever make that judgement?!) but they have them. I have them. So how does this sit with the teachings of Jesus?
I’ve heard many people criticise the Vatican for the amount of wealth contained within it and I completely understand where they’re coming from. But are we any better? Where do we draw the line between what is needed and what is excessive? Who gets to make that decision? If we gave away everything we owned today we wouldn’t be able to function very well in the modern world of Great Britain. We couldn’t do our jobs properly if we didn’t have technology to communicate or complete work, for example. So what should we give up?
Perhaps our time, like Street Pastors. I’m very precious over time as I’m always busy and desperately try to create some downtime to just relax and read a book or watch TV. Perhaps we should give people the time and support that they need like organisations such as The Samaritans. I try to make myself available to talk to people about what’s happening in their lives as much as possible and think that this is something I’m not too bad at doing. Perhaps our money, as we’re encouraged to do by charities. I try to give away what I can but often worry about money.
If we are trying to show love to others, does it come down to these things – time, support and money? Is there more to it? How do we find that balance? And do we need to make sure that we show love to ourselves, too?
So many questions! I don’t know the answer but I would love to be better at showing love and living a life of love as we have been asked to do. Perhaps by opening ourselves up to receive our love we let that love flow through us and by surrendering and opening to the love of God, we become instruments for his love.
Leave a commentThe Light of Life
Posted on April 12th, 2012
‘Life is a pure flame, and we live by an invisible sun within us.’
Sir Thomas Browne
What is it that drives people to seek God? Is it the soul, this part of us which makes us ‘in God’s image’ and which is drawn like a magnet back to the Creator? Is it that we are aware of the darkness around us, through which the light of God is seen?
If this is true, that God is inside each of us (as God is inside everything!), then it is hardly surprising that people are drawn back to faith throughout their lives. In my experience, even people who leave organised religion will often find comfort in some sort of spirituality at some point in their life. I can remember reading a book of letters by Evelyn Underhill for my degree which included one to a young teacher. She said to this teacher something along the lines of: the girls cannot understand what it is you teach them at 14, but at some point in their life, some catastrophe will strike them and they will remember everything you have taught them about God. I hope that’s right and I haven’t just made it up! But it really struck me because it’s true that people fall back on God when times are hard.
It’s a strange paradox – going to God when you are struggling, when that God went through some of the worst suffering we can imagine! Try holding your arms up as high as your shoulders. See how long you can hold them there for until they hurt or until they start to fall slightly. I bet it’s less than 5 minutes. Jesus hung on the cross for 6 hours like that, with nails driven through his flesh; having been tortured, spat at, shouted at and accused; having not eaten or drunk since the night before…but it’s because of this suffering that we know God understands us.
I agree with this quote by Sir Thomas Browne – life is a flame and we do live by the light of something we cannot see. But remember: fire can light, heat and cook but it can also burn and destroy. It is how you use it and how carefully you treat it that matters.
So how will you look after the flame of your life?
Leave a commentStay with me, remain here with me: watch and pray.
Posted on April 5th, 2012
One thing which I find really beautiful about Holy Week is that we can spend time imagining ourselves there with Jesus, because we know most of what he was doing during this time. To be given an opportunity to imagine ourselves walking with Jesus through the Last Supper, the betrayal, the crucifixion and the resurrection is so special. To be given the instruction, ‘stay here and pray’ is an instruction which we can still be given today. To pray not to be tempted is still a prayer we can pray today. To struggle to be spiritually strong as we are bound by our physical bodies is still something we can do. I can so easily imagine myself there with Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane tonight.
Jesus is God incarnate…and yet Jesus prayed to God. When speaking about prayer he said, ‘And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words. Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him.’ So what is the purpose of prayer? I would say that prayer is a way for people to quieten themselves by focusing on God, and a way to develop their relationship with God. I believe that prayer is a way for us to come humbly to God, who knows all of our weaknesses and to admit to our limitations, our fears or our desires. It is a way for us to be honest with God and for us to listen to the voice of God.
And so tonight we watch and pray, not shying away from the pain that Jesus was about to endure at this point in his final year, but making ourselves vulnerable in his sight just as he made himself vulnerable for us.
4 CommentsA prayer for Holy Week
Posted on April 3rd, 2012
Heavenly Father; as we move towards the crucifixion and the sacrifice of your Son on the cross this week, help us to remember you in our hearts and minds. Help us to make the sacrifices necessary in our own lives, secure in the knowledge that the ultimate sacrifice has ensured our salvation. Be with us as we make our commitment to live our lives in the spirit of the cross. Lord in your mercy, hear our prayer.
Last night I went to a beautiful Taizé service at St. Mary’s in Limpley Stoke (near Bath). It was very special, especially as I was with a group of people who sang in full four-part harmony for each song. It makes the experience so much more reminiscent of being in Taizé that I was truly moved.
During the prayers of intercession and the silence in which we could add our own prayer, I reflected on the sacrifice of Jesus on the cross. The prayer above came to me, which was a real blessing. I am going to be moving house in a week, to live with my dad after 3 years of living alone and I have been really struggling with the prospect. I know that it is the right thing to do at this moment in time, but that knowledge doesn’t make it any easier! But after this reflection on sacrifice and having said this prayer, I felt a sense of peace around the situation.
It really is amazing how prayer is answered in ways we don’t expect, and in every aspect of life. It’s not just the big things which need prayer and which God pays attention to – it’s everything. If you are open, I truly believe that God will be with you in ever moment of your life, even if you don’t realise He’s there.
Leave a comment‘Leave me alone with God as much as may be…’
Posted on March 22nd, 2012
This prayer by Saint Aidan of Lindisfarne is one which often plays on my mind. He is a saint renowned for ‘cultivating peace and love, purity and humility’, and that opening line is definite food for thought.
I have lived on my own for 3 years and have grown to really love the solitude and freedom that it gives me. However, I often waste time as I’m sure everyone does. I give myself excuses for why I can’t do certain things or why I will do them later than I should…probably a common confession. But I wonder if there’s a link between the opening line of his prayer, ‘leave me alone with God as much as may be…’ and his qualities.
When you’re on your own it’s easy to think that you can do what you want because no one’s watching. I am sure that if the Jesus of biblical times came to stay with me, I would use my time in a very different way! I would keep my house as clean as possible, I would spend as much time with him as I could and I would consider his teachings much more often than I currently do. I would also try to be peaceful, act lovingly towards both other people and animals, and I would try to live with purity and humility as Aidan is believed to have done.
Why would I do this with Jesus and not with others? If Jesus feels the least thing that we do for or another, then isn’t that the same thing? But it’s an awful lot harder to remain peaceful around people who you find challenging, or to act out of love towards someone who pushes all your buttons! Maybe by being left alone with God we are given the chance to develop these qualities which we can then put into practice with others.
Who knows? But it’s a good prompt for me to start trying to use my time more efficiently at home!
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